I am choosing envy

You know how people always say that you should be happy for your friends when they are doing well. Got a nice job, nice car, good looking lover, etc.

But I can't. I'm sorry to say this, it's just who I am. I can't honestly feel happy for them, not when I think that I deserve better. I know I am better than him, why don't I get an opportunity like he's got?

So I started blaming my luck. Yes, it's just my luck that I didn't have the same opportunities. It's just my luck that I got into this shitty company and doing this shitty work. It's just my luck that I wasn't able to fully utilise my abilities and perform well. It's just my luck that my boss doesn't appreciate what I've done and see that genius inside me.

If I got the same opportunities like my friends had, I will do better than them. I know I can. Then why don't I just go, just leave this place and find that wonderful opportunities I deserve? Because I care, I still care about what I am doing, and I want to do it right. I want people to see, I want my employer to see what a great asset I am to them, and they should appreciate me better.

Yes, I don't feel happy for my friends, I envy them. Because being happy for other people settles you down, but envy pushes you further. It drives you crazy, it motivates you. It'll only make you feel good about yourself when you are doing better than your friends. And that's the kind of satisfaction I want. So proudly, I am choosing envy.